Tuesday, March 30, 2010


My dear Angel,

It must be hard with not having your mother there to guide you and watch you grow. You must be a very beautiful and clever girl. Your auntie Mary comes to see me one in a while and tells me all about your escapades. She says there is a part of you that is closed to her and I know that is the part where you hurt the most. I know you loved your father very much and thought he was the perfect man. I long to see you. Every time your auntie comes alone, my heart breaks. Knowing you will not forgive me breaks me. Here is my story, you may not understand or want to read on but please…this is my last plea.

I met your father ten years ago in college. It was love at first sight. I took him home to meet my parents and they loved him. My mother – your grandmother said he was the perfect gentleman. We got married three years later and got you. We were elated; we were going to be parents. We planned everything from before you were born right to the time I came home from the hospital with you. Your father loved us and provided well. I gave up my job to spend time with you and look after you instead of a house help. Your father got a promotion and we were all happy but it came with a price. It meant him working long hours and spending less time with us but at least we had him for the weekends. Things were going perfectly and he got an offer from another company resigned and joined them. The time he spent with us was minimal but he took care of us well.

As soon as you were in school, I started a business from home. I made sure that it did not interfere with our time together as a family. I am not sure when things started getting crazy but I remember the first time your father hit me. It was after we came home from a cocktail party. He was apologetic so I forgave him and blamed it on the alcohol. He did not hit me again after that. One day, he came home after a long business trip as I was sitting at the vanity table brushing my hair just before we were to go to bed he threw a glass at me. Luckily it missed my face and shattered the mirror. Before I knew what was happening he was pulling my hair. He dragged me and started kicking me. The last I remember is waking up in hospital aching all over. When I tried to sit up I felt this horrible pain in my abdomen. The nurse informed me that I was two weeks pregnant and I had lost the baby. I was devastated and all I could think about was you. I still wonder to this date if your father suspected I was expecting. I still ask myself why he did that.

Soon after I fell into depression and got admitted in a psychiatric hospital. I am sure you remember. I remember the day your father drove me to the hospital you were in tears. I can still see your tear stained face. It broke my heart. My situation was not that bad and three months later I was out and ready to come home.

We had a long talk with your father .I wanted a divorce and he was not for it. He threatened me and told me if I left him he would destroy me. I decided to stay so as not to disrupt your life. I felt like I was living on a prison. Six months ago, I was leaving when he walked in and found our bags in the sitting room. You were in school. A quarrel ensued and he threatened me to kill me. He disappeared into the study and just as I was leaving he repeated if you leave this house I will kill you. I thought he was bluffing till I had the gun shot. He missed me and the bullet hit the door. He started hitting my face with the gun as I screamed for help. I got hold of the gun and tried to rustle it way from him when I had the gun shot. In the struggle I had accidentally shot him. I did not do it on purpose it was self defense.

I hope one day you will understand the pain and torture I went through. I long to see you one last time. I will be waiting at the table in the corner of the courtyard at 10:30am. I long to hug you and kiss your cheek one last time. This is my plea as a mother. This will be the last time we see each other.

Your loving mother,

No comments:

Post a Comment