I love a man who belongs to the community. If someone had warned me I would probably have thought twice and guarded my heart but maybe I wouldn’t have. He says I come first but I feel otherwise. His fingers are always on his blackberry keys and his eyes and ears listening for his phone in case it rings.
Technology has his heart and what I thought was mine is theirs. I have to share.
Women come up to me and tell me how lucky I am and how they would love to be in my shoes. I smile and say thank you. They don’t see the tears in my eyes, the sadness behind my smile and the pain in my voice. My heart cries out for him. I pose for the cameras and hold my baby tight and live in the moment. I kiss and hold him in public and they all ohhh and ahhh and say what a lovely couple with envy in their eyes. My children are my strength. They are the reason I hang in there.
The other day, I heard that he has a clandestine. The woman is young. A single mother with two beautiful children. I wonder if they are his but my heart says otherwise. I wish he would look at me the way he looks at her. I feel the energy in his voice when he comes home after he has been with her. I hear the disappointment in his voice when she cancels their date. I don’t envy or loathe her, I pity her. She may think she has his heart but I have more of him. We share the same bed but we are strangers living in the same house.